A very brief reflection

So now that my time here is coming to a close and the weather is growing more and more amazing, I am beginning to think about my experience here, the relationships I've formed, my priorities thus far and my priorities for the future. I am definitely looking forward to going home, both because of missing the culture and the comfort and of course because of the people. The strange thing is, for so long I wanted my family to move away from the house in Jersey Dan and Noah and I have lived in our whole lives, thinking it would be so easy to detach myself from it, just as my transition to college life had been so smooth and easy. But now the more I think about it the more I miss that house, as I feel now, the only place that will ever be my true home. Yes, I will and have considered other places "home", but that house has held countless memories, countless positive experiences, countless extremely sad experiences, countless fears, countless frustrations, countless aspirations and a ridiculous personal growth that has taken place within it, yes, but mostly away from it, with the house being the base to return to. To come back to with my new perspective on the world, on life. To daydream about when I need comfort.
At the same time I miss my family here even before I leave them. I feel like I'm a permanent part of them but at the same time like I've barely scratched the surface of knowing who each one of them is. I feel torn with distributing my time among my new, surely lifelong friends here, completing my school work and doing well, and spending time with my family. A lot of that time ends up going to good old facebook. The weird slash maybe not-so-weird thing is that I have virtually no desire to meet new people right now. And I ALWAYS want to meet new people in almost any situation. There is just no point, no time to spend with them, they will just thin out my time even more.
I wonder if I have taken advantage of every opportunity, grown in every facet of myself, appreciated everything to its full extent. And I know that the answer is of course not. Not even close. But I think the most important thing is that I'm okay with that. I think and hope I am slowly learning to not be so hard on myself in at least some aspects. To be proud of myself for coming here, for pushing myself out of my comfort zone but not constantly. For understanding that I have limits-that I can't be happy all of the time, that I can't be social all of the time, that I can't be perfect. It's one of the hardest things for me. I'm also frustrated with myself for not speaking Spanish at all times with my American friends here. But I realize that it's okay to do that. My Spanish has already improved tremendously, and I'm not going to let it go anytime soon. I speak so much Spanish here that it's okay to speak some English for comfort sometimes (and so that people don't know what I'm saying and that I'm talking about them...)
I really sincerely miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my true independence. I miss frisbee. I miss that true sense of comfort that is so rare to have. I miss the American culture, that I now realize does exist outside of simple "consumerism, commercialism" that I've so long criticized. America is no better and no worse than any other country given its wealth and opportunities. And the US has caused MANY issues of course and I have a billion critiques, but people here need to stop criticizing the fast food industry we brought here while shoving McDonalds down their throats and not being able to use the "cheap" excuse that is actually a factor in the states, but here it is actually more expensive than their delicious preservative-free Soda or University cafeteria food...Because fast food would not exist if they didn't support it...Of course advertising and ignorance play tremendous roles, so I can't be so harsh...And there are some wonderful people in the states. And an awesome folk movement. Although this whole election nonsense and these insane candidates are scaring the bajeebles out of me. I believe I will come back bolder-if I can muddle through and ask questions and figure things out here, in Spanish, what do I have to be afraid of in English?