Nueva Perspectiva Mae

I'm writing to you at a slightly frustrating time but also at (hopefully) a turning point in perspective. I am beginning to realize that, because of the little guidance I received when I was registering, I have chosen some classes that not only do not fit my interests, but that seem to be, as harsh as this may sound, kind of a waste of time. Firstly, my Tridimension class, while in it I am learning patience and perspective, takes up an absurd amount of time every week (7 hours each week in previous weeks and presently around 15) and, once the design is thought up, is truly just monotonous work. It is not what I am interested in, and all of the other students are art students and have much more profound abilities and interest in this than I do. Also, my professor has informed me of my grade as of late, and it is absurdly low, aka a 70, aka WHAT. I really have no idea how, as she has complimented my work in the past and always told me to relax when I've been overwhelmed or haven't understood something. I sent her an e-mail about it on Monday asking for ways to boost my grade and for explanation and have yet to hear back...This was a class that I took FOR FUN and to keep my GPA high and to relax and THIS IS RIDICULOUS. If this goes on it will destroy my gpa and my social life. And no one even warned me. And I am spending so much money on supplies for this class. And I can't drop it because both my scholarships require that I take 15 credits a semester and so does the honors program I believe. POOP.

 Additionally, my Geosciences class has now moved on to mapping the composition of rocks, something in which I find myself completely lost and not very inspired by yet at least I am being challenged mentally. I still enjoy my dance class and love my readings and professor and the topics we cover in Science, Humanism, and the Sustainability of Life-a class that covers a much broader analysis of the interaction of technology, progress, environmentalism, crisis, and humanity. My likes and dislikes of these classes have truly made me realize that my passions lie in environmental education, environmental policy and in grassroots volunteer work and less in the hard science aspect of Environmental Studies. 

One thing I am very satisfied with is my improvement in Spanish-with my host family, classes, friends, and daily life it is truly getting so much better and so fast! I am also growing more independent and bolder when it comes to things because if I can ask people for help in Spanish, why should I ever be afraid to do it in the States in English? 

My individual volunteer experiences are really good for the most part-the problem actually is securing regular volunteer work. I have been trying very hard with the primary reserve and education center nearby, but they seem very disorganized and have been very flaky about responding to my e-mails and have not returned my phone call. But that's just how things go in Latin America sometimes...

I'm still frustrated with the general ignorance of so many people here about environmentalism and about preservation. I of course don't blame the people, but I blame the education system. For a country whose economy relies on EcoTourism one would think the general public would be educated about making environmentally conscious decisions, about recycling, about keeping the country clean, but so many aren't. I guess maybe that just needs time, especially because EcoTourism is still fairly new. I'm also frustrated with the lack of art, culture, architecture and history that one can experience here, especially in suburban Heredia, and in constant, primary focus on physical beauty. I have realized how much I miss having good places for students to congregate, going to concerts, beautiful churches, clean parks, funky coffee shops, etc. and it has made me start looking into studying abroad again in the fall, most likely in Scotland or possibly in Sweden to be able to have that type of  abroad experience as well. But I need to stop thinking ahead and live and appreciate the moment more and appreciate my experience for what it is and not always idealize other things because I will always be disappointed no matter what the experience is because I build things up too much. Like I did with Costa Rica-Dad was right. I guess it's been so much harder lately because I've been stuck in Heredia and not able to really travel for a while due to the amount of homework I have. It brings out the bitterness in me I guess... Also, there's no where to go with my friends during the week except bars-it's not like college as I'm used to it-doing homework together at night, taking study breaks together, etc. I hang out in my house doing homework and on facebook every week night. But dude, look at the experience I'm having, look at how I'm challenging myself, look at how much I'm learning about myself! And I'm learning to stop idealizing everything and that it's okay to miss and want the comforts and culture of home-it's what I'm used to while at the same time finding satisfaction. Also, being around so many people who obsess over clothing, make up, hair, continually working on their physical improvement (exactly what I was like in high school) I'm realizing how little those things really mean to me. Yeah, it's nice to look nice, but I don't need make up or do buy new clothes all the time or to obsess over if things match or how I look because I'm more confident and comfortable if I don't. And there are so many other things to worry about. Although I think maintaining my body in top physical shape will always be really important to me.